


Waiting

by imightbejehan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, canonverse, idk - Freeform, thats what its called righ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 21:16:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1319488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imightbejehan/pseuds/imightbejehan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco joins the MP while Jean joins the Scouting Legion</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the hdotk post

“Stay here if you think you are brave enough to fight for humanity and join the Scouting Legion.” Erwin’s voice boomed through the graduating trainees around me, sending shivers down my spine.

I wavered, not knowing what to choose anymore. I was in the top ten; I could go anywhere I wanted to! I could live in luxury in the Military Police, but did I really want too after seeing what happened in Trost? Did I really just want to be a useless jackass?

_Dammit! Please don’t make me hate myself even more._

There was movement all around me. So many of my friends and fellow trainees were leaving, but I couldn’t find it in myself to move my legs. If I am going to go down, I’m taking as many titans down with me as I can. Might as well help humanity while I do it.

Eren was standing there, like I expected, along with Armin and Mikasa. I could see Sasha and Connie too, struggling to figure out what to do. Just like me, they stayed. My eyes scanned for Marco, but I couldn’t see him.

“Marco? Marco?” I kept my voice low as I called, trying not to draw attention to myself. People were still flooding past me; Marco had to be standing in the crowd somewhere.

“Jean!” His voice dragged me back and out of a panic. I whirled around to face him, expecting to see that smiling face to help me, but instead he looked grim.

“Ready to die for the sake of humanity?” I hoped dearly that the comment came out sarcastically to hide my shaky voice.

Instead of joking back Marco shook his head. “Not yet, Jean.”

“Ha, what do you mean?”

“I can’t come with you. I can’t join the Survey Corps.”

“So you’re just going to become a lazy fatass?” I snapped.

“No, I will serve the king-”

“You were there at Trost. You saw how much we need a solution!”

“I can’t. I just can’t. But know I’ll be waiting for you each time you return.”

“There will be a time I won’t.”

“Then I hope you will wait for me to come.”

Marco didn’t cry, but I saw the tears in his eyes. He had no right to them, no reason to cry. He wasn’t the one betrayed by his best friend and being sent off to die.

_I hate him. I hate him so fucking much._

 

I cried my first night out. It was just like reliving Trost, ten times per day. Even though the new recruits were given a night without watch, I couldn’t sleep, so I snuck off. I’m pretty sure the Levi heard me at one point, but he never mentioned it the next day.

When we finally returned we had lost almost half of our men and still had not gained much information. The only thing I knew was that there was a traitor somewhere among us.

Marco was waiting for me as promised. I still hated him, but I let him wrap his arms around me anyways. His body felt the same, but I knew mine felt different. I was tired, starving, bruising, and bloody. Marco’s hands were so tender on my face that I didn’t dare touch him.

I stayed at his place that night and let him clean up my wounds. It had been a while since I had gotten them properly bandaged.

I heard Marco’s gasp when I took off my shirt. Of course his body was scarred with the same bruises I was, but training didn’t teach you how painful the 3DMG straps would be when you are using them out in the field. They ripped open my skin and bled through countless bandages. It came to the point where I could almost not feel the pain.

His touch was soft, but I still winced. Marco let out a small whimper, and wrapped his arms around my stomach where the bruises weren’t terrible. I let him stay like that for a moment, tracing the freckles on his arms to form new constellations. It became too much.

“I can’t do this. I-I have to go.” I stood up quickly, tearing away from Marco. “I can’t even look at you without just wanting to punch you. I don’t understand how you can choose the Military Police when there are people out there dying everyday!”

“It was a choice I had to make, much like yours.”

“Choice? I didn’t have a real choice. My choice is humanity or myself, and everyone knows who is going to win that battle. You don’t even care about those people anymore, if you ever did. Were you ever that Marco during Training or was it all an act? Were you ever my Marco?”

“I’ve always been your Marco, I always will be.” The freckled boy across from me turned away and shook with held back tears. He closed his eyes, shutting me out. He took a deep breath before continuing, though he still didn’t look up at me. “The problem isn’t that I’m not yours, it’s that you aren’t mine. I can’t weigh you down like I did back then.”

“That’s a bunch of bullshit, and you know it.”

Marco’s answering laugh was more like a sob.

“This isn’t a child’s game anymore. We all need to make sacrifices.”

“Yeah the only difference is that I gave up my life as mine.” I went to storm out, but paused at the door. “I leave in the morning. I probably won’t be seeing you again.”

When his brown eyes met mine I knew he knew this just might be the end.

 

Marco was there the next time I came back, and the next and the next. It was always a surprise to me when I came back from a mission, but he always had so much faith in me.

So I let him take me back and even though every time ended in a fight, it was the best times of my life.

I told him he could always come join me, that it wasn’t too late to leave the Police, but he laughed and told me he was happy where he was.

One night while lying in bed, after trying to persuade the freckled boy again, Marco told me about how me was going to be commander. He seemed genuinely happy about it, and how he could begin to help people on a larger scale and maybe rework the system a bit. I tried to be happy for him, I really did, but he was slowly slipping out of my grasp.

Even though I wanted to have faith in Marco, I felt that he was slowly becoming one of them. One day he won’t be waiting for me, and that day feels like it’s coming up fast.

 

Annie was taking down while Ymir had gone AWOL along with Bertholdt and Reiner. The missions became harder and harder, especially after the walls were breached again.

After Erwin’s arm was bitten off I was called into his rooms. He explained to me that I was to be trained to be a commander, and that when he thought the time was right I would be leading the Survey Corps.

I was hit repeatedly with the fact that I could never lead. Just thinking about all the people I had killed during Trost made me feel as if my insides were being chewed apart.

I tried to explain it to Marco when I returned, but he just traced the scars that had turned to hardened skin.

“You were meant to be a leader Jean. You just don’t know it yet.” He kissed along the lines on my back until my muscles relaxed. “I’ve always told you so haven’t I?”

I thought back to that time when we were young and Marco told me that I was weak, but because of that I knew how to lead. I never quite knew what he meant until I joined the Scouting Legion.

It seemed like a lifetime away, the blissful days of being a trainee. We were all friends and the only battle was the war against the titans, but even that was far away. The majority of the people that we had known were gone now.

I had never been so happy the Marco had joined the Police as I was in that moment.

 

We met more often after we both became commanders. The Military Police was able to work in a more civilized manner with the Survey Corps under Marco’s leadership, and for that I was thankful even though I still despised them.

Armin followed me everywhere. As an excellent strategist he was one of the most important pieces in our war. Marco watched our whispers during meetings with an odd expression on his face, one I had never seen before.

Eren was still a complete ass, but a useful one. At least I had the power to keep him in control now.

Mikasa was the same as always, and had become the best fighter known to mankind, surpassing even Levi.

Connie and Sasha had calmed down, though they were still up to their antics. I suspected that it was mainly to lighten the mood.

I guess even I had changed. With a start I realized what Marco had been trying to tell me all along.

After the meeting I pulled Marco aside. He followed me willingly, without question, until we reached an empty room and I crushed our lips together.

“I know why you did it. I know why you did it now, and I’m so sorry Marco.”

Marco pulled back and looked at me, holding me an arms length. His eyes were bright as always, and so was his smile.

 “It’s okay, Jean. It’s okay.”

That night was the first time we didn’t fight. That night was the first time I really saw Marco for who he was, who he had grown to be.

I watched him sleep. I was so used to running on nothing that I hardly slept anymore. I brushed back his thick hair and thought about how he was the one who had matured first out of all of us. He could always read others, and knew who they were even if the person themself didn’t know. Marco always knew what had to be done to bring out the best in the people around him, even if that meant going through pain.

We all make sacrifices for the people that we love

**Author's Note:**

> :))) i had fun writing this 
> 
> check me out at  
>  queenofhearts.co.vu  
> or   
>  adorkabletitans.tumblr.com


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